Holding on to God's Plan

     I have always found it nice to know that God is in charge of everything and has a plan.  Lately, however, I have become so increasingly all the more thankful for that truth. 

 

     Let’s face it…life is sometimes a big old mess of disappointments and heartache.  Sometimes just waking up in the morning can seem next to impossible because reality is so uninviting.   

Sometimes you can almost convince yourself that there is no way anything could ever heal wound you’ve suffered.  Sometimes things hurt so much that you wonder how on earth you can manage to survive one more moment. 

 

     It is those times, when we are at our weakest and our lowest, that God and His promises become all the more precious.  They become the shred of hope you can cling to when you feel you do not have the strength to hope anymore.  No matter the circumstances, we can always have hope, have faith, and trust in God and His perfect plan. 

 

     Life will still hurt.  There will still be moments when we don’t understand.  There will still be moments when we cry.  There will still be moments when we feel lonely.  There will still be moments when our hearts are burdened with the weight of this world and all of its troubles.  But, in the midst of all of the pain, grief, and suffering, is our God. 

     

     God’s hand is always in our lives.  He knows exactly what He is doing and why.  He sees the big picture.  Everything that happens to us, God has specifically allowed in order to shape us into the people He wants His children to become.  He has a wonderfully happy and brilliant ending in mind for us and it takes our whole life story to get there…all of the good things and the not so good things. 

 

     I am so thankful that when I feel like I don’t have any strength left, I have a God who will carry me…a God who holds my entire life in His entirely wonderful and capable hands.

 

 

Psalm 34:17-20 - The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all. He keepeth all his bones: not one of them is broken.

Psalm 84:11 - For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly.

Romans 12:12 - Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

 

Help Me Find It

I've blogged before about how certain songs have been able to touch my soul and express exactly what I was thinking or needed to say.  Recently, I have encountered another song that is able to do just that. 

Help Me Find it:  Sidewalk Prophets

 

You see, being the hyper-organized control freak that I am, trust has been something that I have struggled with pretty much my whole life.  The past year and three months of my life have introduced circumstances which have tested my ability to trust almost to the breaking point (and honestly, at times I think I might have been at the breaking point).  Anyway, this song just seems to echo the prayer I want/need to say to God. 

 



"I don’t know where to go from here
It all used to seem so clear
I’m finding I can’t do this on my own

I don’t know where to go from here
As long as I know that You are near
I’m done fighting
I’m finally letting go

I will trust in You
You’ve never failed before
I will trust in You


If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone

Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go

I will wait for You
You’ve never failed before
I will wait for You
If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

I lift my empty hands (come fill me up again)
Have Your way my King (I give my all to You)
I lift my eyes again (Was blind but now I see)
‘Cause You are all I need

If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it"

 

 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  "Rejoice evermore.  Pray without ceasing.  In everything  give thanks:  for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

'Tis So Sweet

‘Tis So Sweet

I’ve heard the words, and my own voice would sing

‘tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

But my heart and my mind were not fully convinced

Of that wondrous truth that echoes around

‘tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

All the time I would worry, fretting and full of fear

What I could not control, could not understand

Things that could be, what my strength could not bear

‘tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

No peace I found, though I desperately sought

Tried to read, tried to pray for God to somehow remove

The feeling of unease that seemed content to stay

How can I fully trust when so much is at stake?

‘tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

And then I started to hear the voice

The voice so still and so small that it seemed to be hidden

Muffled by the cacophonous disquiet of my mind

Trust Me it said simply, over and over

And in time I began to slowly surrender

‘tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

I give You my life, I relinquish control

You, the Author, Creator hold the pen for my story

Every twist, turn, and stumble exists for a purpose

All the joys and the pains shape me to who I should become

There is no need to worry because it is all in Your hands

My life is Yours; I live for Your ultimate Glory

‘tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

 

 

The Experiment

So, over the past several days, I’ve been conducting an experiment.  Coincidentally, this correlates with my first week of teaching science for my student teaching internship…but that’s beside the point! 

Anyway, back to the experiment!  I was mowing the grass in my backyard one afternoon (a chore during which I find myself having most of my epiphanies) when I had a negative thought about someone.  Now, from our human perspective, this negative thought was probably perfectly justified and maybe even encouraged, but, as I was exerting my upper body strength, pushing the loud, black machine around the yard, I suddenly felt a thought-jolt.  What is a thought-jolt you ask?  Well, you’ve likely experienced one at some point…I just decided to name it!  A thought-jolt is when a thought quite rapidly enters your head and the effect of it seems to travel all the way down to your toes!  Now, I am 100% convinced that this particular thought-jolt came directly from God because, as I was busy silently stewing over that person, I heard a voice in my brain that simply said just pray for them. 

Oh, I certainly was not a fan of that idea!  But I can’t!  I soundlessly screamed back to that voice.  I fought if for a while, but deep down, I knew that it was what I should do.  So, I swallowed my pride, anger, and irritation and forced myself to pray something that sounded like this:  God, you know how difficult this is for me, and how much I do not want to pray for this person, but I know that, no matter what they have done, you love them and so I must love them.  The prayer went on for a little bit longer, but I think you get the gist! 

And so here is the experiment, every time I have a negative thought toward someone, I pray for them instead.  This can be incredibly difficult, particularly if the person has significantly hurt me, but even more so if it is someone who has caused pain for someone I care about.  It can even pose a challenge when someone just does a small thing to bother you during the day!  The trick?  I am very honest with God when I pray.  If I need to, I tell Him how hard it is for me, but I continue to pray anyway. 

Even though I have only been practicing this habit for the past five days, it is crazy how much my attitude has started to shift….in a good way!

So, I challenge anyone who reads this to try this experiment…you won’t regret it!

One Day

     It’s funny how one day can change your entire life.  One single moment in one single day has the potential to affect the rest of your time here on earth. 

     July 16, 2012 was the day that my world felt like it was turned upside down and my life was changed forever.  It was on that day when we found out that my sweet little niece Evie was not going to remain with us long after birth, if at all. 

     I can remember it all so clearly.  First, there was the excitement of finding out the gender of the child my sister was carrying.  Then, the thrill of finding out it was a girl paired with slight concern as there were possible complications.  Next, the feeling of complete peace because, I just knew God was going to work everything out, the baby would be fine of course.  For just about the first time in my life, I was not worried.  And then, my world was shattered.  The feelings of total desolation, anger, frustration…and betrayal set in.  That one day rocked the entire spiritual foundation I had been building upon since childhood.  That one day marked the beginning of what I consider to be the hardest year of my life so far. 

     I’d say that the past year has been a roller coaster, but that metaphor would require an equal amount of emotional highs and lows.  Perhaps it’s more fitting to say that it has been like a submarine; submerging to depths lower than I’ve ever experienced and slowly, slowly beginning to rise up toward the surface. 

     Gee, that sounds depressing!  But I can honestly say that, right now, I am in a much better place, both spiritually and emotionally, than I was last year!

     The secret?  Prayer…constant prayer.  Prayer when I was sad.  Prayer when I was angry.  Prayer when I was frustrated.  Prayer when all I had to say to God was that I did not feel much like praying at the moment.  Oh yes, God sure heard a lot from me these 12 months…and it definitely was not all lovely!

     I’m coming to terms with the fact that, this side of heaven, I may never understand the why question that has been circulating around my brain. 

     I still miss that little girl, but I’m learning again to trust that God has a reason for everything.

 

On a totally different note…July is National Hot Dog Month, National Blueberry Month, and National Ice Cream Month!  Wooootwoooo! 

21 Things

In honor of my 21^st birthday, which is coming up in a few days, I thought it might be fun to share 21 random facts about myself…

1) I have a borderline unhealthy obsession with The Hunger Games.

2) My favorite flowers are dandelions and daisies. 

3) I pretend I am in Broadway musicals whenever I am home alone.

4) If I could only eat one food for the rest of my life, it would definitely be bread!

5) My favorite song is A Little Fall of Rain from Les Misérables.

6) I think Country Music is awesome!

7) Jasmine is my favorite Disney Princess.

8) I love to cook and bake.

9) I love seeing people eat whatever I cook and/or bake.

10) My biggest pet peeve is when people say “I could care less”  (the phrase is I COULDN’T care less!!!!!!)

11) I strongly dislike roses. 

12) I enjoy incorporating movie references and quotes into daily conversation.

13) I am ½ Greek.

14) My sister named me after the Michelle on the TV show Full House.

15) I hate riding roller coasters.

16) I do not like soda.

17) My nephew is the cutest and most brilliant child ever and I love him like crazy!

18) According to the online assessment, my love language is Acts of Service.

19) I tend to be a hyper-organized-perfectionist.

20) I desperately want to own a blue pick-up truck!

21) My favorite colors are green, yellow, and blue!

There ya go, 21 things you may or may not have known about me!

 

Incomplete

     A couple weeks ago, during our church’s Wednesday night evening service, my Pastor was speaking about the subject of Grace.  He illustrated the point of how, because of Grace, we belong in God’s family by using his own family, a family to which, through my sister’s marriage and years of fellowship, I am nearly apart of myself.  He said that, though his sons are grown and two of them have their own families, holidays and family occasions always feel a little incomplete if any of them are absent. 

     That particular thought struck me to the core, because, for the rest of my life, no special occasion, holiday, or simple family get together will ever be complete.  There is a sweet little girl that is always going to be missing from all of it. 

     Minus one stocking at Christmas time.  An empty basket at Easter meant to be filled with plastic eggs encasing goodies.  One less little person around the table at Thanksgiving.  Missing the cutie who would probably have been the flower girl at my wedding (if I am lucky enough to get married).  Always missing…always missed.

     This is the reason why all special occasions during the past several months have felt as if there is a shadow cast upon them…none of them feel complete. 

     My 21^st Birthday will be here in a little over a week.  The day will also be Evie’s 8 month Heaven Birthday.  People can ask me what I want for my birthday, and I can honestly say nothing, nothing, at least, that they can give me.  What I want is for our family to feel complete again.  I want the happiness and joy that comes from having all of our family members crowded under one roof.  But, I know that will never happen here on earth.

Until we all are reunited in heaven, it will always feel…incomplete.