Pray

     The past several months (almost year) of my life have been….difficult, to say the least.  I have dealt with a vast range and depth of emotions too intertwined and complicated to properly express.  The inability to truly convey these emotions often leaves me frustrated (and moody). 

What has brought me a degree of comfort, however, is the discovery of certain songs that seem to articulate my feelings exactly.  It brings me almost a sense of relief to hear that I am not the only one to experience these particular sentiments.  While there are several songs I turn to when in need of a catharsis, I want to focus on one in particular right now…

Sanctus Real: Pray

I bow my head to pray, I don't know what to say

I'm not sure how to fix the things I'm dealing with

I'm in a desperate place; I need to share the weight

But I just don't know how, to let it all pour out

 

Though I'm silent, my heart is crying

‘Cause I was made to come to You

 

So I pray

God I need You more than words can say

Right here in this moment

You know my heart, You know my need

You know every part of me

So even if it's just to speak Your name

I'm gonna pray

 

I failed to find the time, but You've been calling out

I let the days go by as if I could live without

But it's gotta be here now, I won't be pulled away

‘Cause it's just You and I, so let the world around us fade

 

As I pray

God I need You more than words can say

Right here in this moment

You know my heart, You know my need

You know every part of me

So even if it's just to speak Your name

I'm gonna pray

I'm gonna pray

 

Father, I’m in a desperate place.

Father, I know You can bear the weight.

Father, Take me in Your arms as I speak You name.

I lift my hands and pray

I lift my hands and pray

 

You know my heart, You know my need

And every single part of me

So even it’s just to speak Your name,

I’m gonna pray

I’m gonna pray

 

You know my heart, You know my need

You know every part of me

More than words, You want my life

Take it as an offering.

 

       I first heard it while driving in the car and it immediately resonated within me.  You see, being as emotionally overwhelmed as I have been during the past almost year, I have found that prayer seems to require a bit more effort.  There have been times when my prayers have simply been God, I know I should pray and that I need to pray, but I honestly do not know what to say or how to say it.  So when I heard this song, I felt like it had been written specifically for me.  Naturally, I did what any emotional female would do…I cried my eyes out.  It was the good kind of crying though (yes, there is a good kind of crying).  This song is now echoing as a constant melody in my head, reminding me that it’s ok not to know what to say sometimes, because God knows it all and will provide me with whatever I truly need.

In conclusion, here are some of the other songs I have found therapeutic:

Kutless:  Even If

Meredith Andrews:  Not for a Moment (After All)  

Laura Story:  Blessings

Matt Hammitt:  All of Me

Jason Gray:  Nothing is Wasted

Josh Wilson:  Carry Me

Carrie Underwood:  See You Again