It's Back...

It's back.  The old familiar schooltime feeling that I am drowning in a sea of homework, a sea of busyness and stress...above all stress.  On top of everything else that has been happening in my life I feel like I am on the verge of exploding into chaos. 
A few weeks ago, I finished a devotional about overcoming worry and found it to be quite helpful and encouraging.  Certainly it will be easy to apply these tactics when school starts back up again...Oh how wrong I was!  If God is testing me to find out how well I can handle my stress, then I am failing miserably!
Ask anyone who has taken an 8 week Education course and they will tell you that it is no easy task...neither is taking two...neither is taking an additional 16 week course...and neither is having to complete a 15 hour practicum for each class!  Guess I picked a perfect time to actually try and establish a social life for the first time in my life...
I know things are only going to get harder (both with schoolwork and other not so distant events in my life) and right now, it feels as if I don't have enough strength to handle it all.  (Speaking of strength, my backpack is really heavy and makes my neck and shoulders ache!)
So, to anyone who actually reads this, I am asking you to just say a quick little prayer if I ever come to your mind.  Pray for me to handle my stress.  Pray for me to gain a proper perspective on school.  Pray for me not forget to lean on God.  And certainly keep praying for my little niece Evie and our whole family. 
Thank you all for letting me vent and thanks in advanced for praying!
May the odds be ever in your favor! (Sorry...just had to throw that in!)

"How Are You?"

   
 I am a ticking time bomb, ready at any moment to explode.  Tears of grief, frustration and furry threaten to spill over at the slightest shift of the floodgate.  I am both incredibly sensitive and insensitive.  A constant sadness and ache have, for the foreseeable future, made themselves a comfortable home in my heart.  I am at war within myself, seeking both to draw comfort from God and pull away from Him.  I wish to keep myself busy, distract my mind from the pain, and yet, when I am successful, feel a sensation of guilt because, why should I experience any amount of happiness when there is such sadness surrounding me? 

Every complaint and lament I have ever had seem completely frivolous.  I am so full of a thousand different emotions that I just want to unleash upon the world, and yet, I also want to keep them locked and bottled up inside.  I desperately search for the light at the end of this tunnel and am greeted only with more darkness.  I pray without ceasing because there is nothing else I can do and because, I am afraid that if I stop I won't start again. 

This is the real answer to the question "How are you?"  But, if you ask me, I will probably just say "I'm good.  How are you?"