Thursday, January 31, 2013

Peeta


     So, you probably read the title of this post and chuckled or shook your head in disbelief (or shook you head because you know me and didn’t actually find it all that surprising!). 

Contrary to what the title may have you believe, this post is not dedicated to me describing all of the wonderful qualities of Peeta Mellark, although I very well could make such a post…or maybe I could just create an entire blog…

By the way, if you do not know who Peeta Mellark is, stop reading this post immediately and go pick up a copy of The Hunger Games.

Anyway, if you know me, chances are, you know that I have a slight obsession with The Hunger Games along with a slight obsession with Peeta. 

This is how I felt after finishing The Hunger Games series…

 

     Well, the other day, I got to thinking about why I love Peeta so much.  Is it his charismatic nature?  His artistic flare and baking skills?  Those sparkling blue eyes?  His strength?  His kindness?  How his favorite color is sunset orange?  As great as all of those things are, they are not the main reason I am so drawn to his character.  What I admire most about him is how he genuinely and whole-heartedly loves Katniss.  Despite all of her flaws, all of the hardships, all of the pain, he loves her.  No matter the circumstances of their life and no matter how she treated him, he always, 100% loved her and supported her.  He saw her at her best, and he saw her at her worst, but he loved her just the same.  His love for her was just so pure, whole, and unbreakable.     

 

     That, my friends, is what makes Peeta so…Mellarkable in my eyes (see what I did there…like remarkable?  Haha!) And that is what I truly hope to find one day.  A guy who will really, truly love me, despite all of my imperfections and annoying habits, despite all of my issues and outbursts of crazy.  A love so strong that I never have to worry that he may tire of me, worry that he will someday no longer want me, a love I can really trust.    

     That is the standard Peeta Mellark has set for me.  So, when I say that I am holding out for a Peeta, I don’t necessarily mean a blonde-haired blue-eyes baker who double knots his shoe laces and likes to sleep with the window open (although I wouldn’t turn down one of those if anyone happened to find one…).  To me, waiting for Peeta means waiting for a man who will just love me for me…and hopefully that is possible!

But, until I meet him…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Six Months Ago...


     Six months ago today, my world was turned upside down.  Six months ago today, I was waiting in eager anticipation to find out whether I was going to have a niece or nephew.  Six months ago today, I had a few hours  to imagine all of the lovely frills, bows, and toys I would be bringing home in bulging shopping bags.  Six months ago today, I found out that none of that was going to happen, because my niece would not survive long after her birth. 

     I can safely say that these have been the most difficult six months of my life.  I have cried a countless number of tears and felt such immense pain in my heart to the point where it seemed as if it would smother me.  I have felt angry, alone, and surrounded by darkness.  There were times where any amount of joy or happiness seemed utterly impossible, times when I wanted to shut out everyone and everything, times when I thought maybe Job’s wife had the right idea after all…

     Honestly, these are all still things I struggle with from time to time.  It feels as if a part of me has changed…and not so much for the better.  I have developed somewhat of an underlying bitterness in my approach to daily life.  This is not to say that I never smile and have fun, because I do, but if you were to show me a glass and ask is the glass half empty or half full, my response would be to push the glass off the table. 

     Some days are better than others.  My good days are really really good, but my mellow days are bad…and my bad days are absolutely horrendous. 

     I’m still working on rebuilding my…shall we say…tattered relationship with God.  There are some things that I do not understand, never will understand, and I guess I am just going to have to live with that.