It’s funny how
one day can change your entire life. One
single moment in one single day has the potential to affect the rest of your
time here on earth.
July 16, 2012 was
the day that my world felt like it was turned upside down and my life was
changed forever. It was on that day when
we found out that my sweet little niece Evie was not going to remain with us
long after birth, if at all.
I can remember it
all so clearly. First, there was the
excitement of finding out the gender of the child my sister was carrying. Then, the thrill of finding out it was a girl
paired with slight concern as there were possible complications. Next, the feeling of complete peace because,
I just knew God was going to work everything out, the baby would be fine of
course. For just about the first time in
my life, I was not worried. And then, my
world was shattered. The feelings of
total desolation, anger, frustration…and betrayal set in. That one day rocked the entire spiritual
foundation I had been building upon since childhood. That one day marked the beginning of what I
consider to be the hardest year of my life so far.
I’d say that the
past year has been a roller coaster, but that metaphor would require an equal
amount of emotional highs and lows.
Perhaps it’s more fitting to say that it has been like a submarine; submerging
to depths lower than I’ve ever experienced and slowly, slowly beginning to rise
up toward the surface.
Gee, that sounds
depressing! But I can honestly say that,
right now, I am in a much better place, both spiritually and emotionally, than
I was last year!
The secret? Prayer…constant prayer. Prayer when I was sad. Prayer when I was angry. Prayer when I was frustrated. Prayer when all I had to say to God was that
I did not feel much like praying at the moment.
Oh yes, God sure heard a lot from me these 12 months…and it definitely
was not all lovely!
I’m coming to
terms with the fact that, this side of heaven, I may never understand the why question that has been circulating
around my brain.
I still miss that
little girl, but I’m learning again to trust that God has a reason for
everything.
On a totally different note…July is National Hot Dog Month,
National Blueberry Month, and National
Ice Cream Month! Wooootwoooo!
