"How Are You?"

   
 I am a ticking time bomb, ready at any moment to explode.  Tears of grief, frustration and furry threaten to spill over at the slightest shift of the floodgate.  I am both incredibly sensitive and insensitive.  A constant sadness and ache have, for the foreseeable future, made themselves a comfortable home in my heart.  I am at war within myself, seeking both to draw comfort from God and pull away from Him.  I wish to keep myself busy, distract my mind from the pain, and yet, when I am successful, feel a sensation of guilt because, why should I experience any amount of happiness when there is such sadness surrounding me? 

Every complaint and lament I have ever had seem completely frivolous.  I am so full of a thousand different emotions that I just want to unleash upon the world, and yet, I also want to keep them locked and bottled up inside.  I desperately search for the light at the end of this tunnel and am greeted only with more darkness.  I pray without ceasing because there is nothing else I can do and because, I am afraid that if I stop I won't start again. 

This is the real answer to the question "How are you?"  But, if you ask me, I will probably just say "I'm good.  How are you?"