The Ladybug

     I spent much of the day yesterday thinking about and missing Evie.  Not that I don’t think about and miss her everyday, but yesterday it was especially so.  I am not sure of the reason, it was just one of those days I suppose.  I found myself frequently grasping my necklace, the one with her name engraved in it, the way I do whenever I want to feel close to her.  During the evening, I sat looking at pictures through tear-filled eyes as I reminisced about the time I spent with her.  How adorable she was with her chubby cheeks, her little noises, cradling her little body in my arms, and how it felt as I kissed her little face for the last time. 

     It was around 11:30 and I was sitting at my desk doing homework and being productive.  I had turned slightly in my swivel chair for whatever reason when I saw it.  There, sitting on my window curtain, was a little ladybug.  Now, to fully understand the significance of this, you have to know that ladybugs have been Evie’s little mascot from the moment we found out who she was.  Her memorial service had a ladybug theme and she had a special little ladybug blanket.  So, back to the ladybug…

My heart did a little leap in my chest as I was immediately reminded of my dear little niece.  I crept closer to the little ladybug wondering how on earth it would have gotten in my room and why, during this cool time of year when all other bugs are in hiding, was this tiny bug moving about.  I grabbed a small piece of paper and guided the ladybug to crawl onto it.  I stood there for a few moments in the middle of my room just holding the paper with the ladybug.  She did not move or try to fly away.  My mind began to race as I thought about how I could keep this ladybug as a pet.  I could put her in a little jar, feed her, and keep her in my room.  She could stay safe and close to me and be a symbol of sweet Evie.  Then reality came in.  I do not know the first thing about taking care of ladybugs.  Any feeble attempts of mine to keep her would likely result in an expedited death.  I realized that the best chance of her survival would be to put her back outdoors.  That was where she belonged.  That was where she could live.  Carefully, I brought the ladybug downstairs and carried her outside.  Kneeling gently, I placed the piece of paper with her on it inside one of my mom’s plants.  I sat for a moment watching the little bug before going back inside.  When I woke up this morning, I went back to the plant, a part of my hoping that the ladybug had stayed there…but she was gone.    

I realized that God was using the ladybug to tell me something.  As much as I wanted to keep Evie and have her stay here on earth close to me, where she belongs is heaven.  That is where she can thrive and be happy.  And, even though we cannot see her, she is having a fantastic life in heaven. 

I will still keep my eye out for ladybugs as a reminder of my little ladybug who is now flying around with the angels in heaven.